Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
