in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I cut my penus on the lid.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
