doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
