Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
