he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
