I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
