I bet he comes in French.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
