I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
