there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
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I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
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