OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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