I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You can't motorboat a personality
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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