whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
