Just cropdusted the office
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
