I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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