Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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