Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
