$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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