Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
