can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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