please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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