i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When are your genitals available?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
