look no pants
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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