Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
