You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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