I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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