go do what you do best...puke behind churches
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
