I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
