dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
