dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
