dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
