Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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