I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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