You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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