we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
