Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
