She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
