I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
