In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
