There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
