im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
