Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
