doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...