I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
