A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
