one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
