Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
