i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
