i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
