Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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