I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
