Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
