Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
