If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
