I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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