Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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