My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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