he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
