i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Couch. On fire.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
