Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
