just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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