I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
