Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
