i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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