We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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