When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
