he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm bleeding and have questions
try to milk me bitch
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
