i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
