Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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