Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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