i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize