Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
