Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
