Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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