Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
