I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
