Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
