how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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